Dear Dr. Dumbass

I would like to thank you for my worst visit to the Dentist EVER.  I have had some unhappy and uncomfortable trips before, and I will freely admit that going to the dentist is pretty much #1 on my list of things I hate doing.  I get nervous, I worry that it will hurt, I generally feel slightly ill until about 10 minutes after I leave the office.  I know this is all to do with my dentophobia, and generally nothing to do with the lovely people at your office.  In your case however, it’s all about YOU, asshat. 

Did you know that when you meet someone for the first time (whether you are a doctor or not) it is generally considered polite to introduce yourself?  Obviously not, or I wouldn’t be asking.  A simple “Hi, I’m Dr. Dumbass, pleased to meet you.” would go some ways towards you NOT being Dr. Dumbass.  Even “Hello” would have been better than looking at me oddly and then launching into a long-winded lambasting about dental hygiene.  I fully expect the “Brushing and Flossing” speech while I am being held captive in the big chair, but ranting to me about how everybody sucks at it, and acting as though that is somehow my fault is not particularly helpful, nor comforting, nor asked for, nor necessary.  Especially when you go on ad nauseum for 20 minutes.  In addition, I believe it is customary for a doctor to actually look at a patient’s chart before he starts running off at the mouth.  But apparently you’re above all that lame “reading” stuff.

Also, berating clients about something that is genetically determined isn’t really a good way to make friends and influence customers.  I had no influence over how my jaw grew.  Is trashing me for it really helping?  Does it make you feel like a big man to snark at me about it?  I know I have a bad bite, thanks.  I have always had a bad bite.  I have had treatments, retainers, braces etc in the past to help correct it.  Just think: it was worse!  This is as good as is gets.  I am able to eat and speak without drooling on myself, and I am pretty sure I look normal enough, so yelling at me isn’t going to correct it.  I know putting braces on me would buy you a shiny new bauble, but you’ll have scare someone else into them thanks.

I know (because you told me) that you think that you would be out of work if only all us incompetent punching bags would learn which end of a toohbrush to hold, but let me tell you something doctor - you’ll be out just the same if all the punching bags leave your stinking practice to go have our teeth cleaned elsewhere.  You are all the reasons why I don’t like going to the dentist rolled up into one loser person.  Way to go.

The Cure for SSS…

…is knitting.

Who knew?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joey’s Twisted Rib Socks

Yarn: TOFUtsies

Pattern: Cast on any multiple of 5.  K3 P2 ribbing, moving everything 1 stitch over ever 6 rows.  Garter stitch flap heel - made in exactly the same manner as a regular flap heel only with no purl stitches.  3×2 ribbing across the top of the foot, stockinette stitch on the sole, regular ol’ toe.

Notes: Becausethis yarn is not 100% wool (it contains cotton, Soysilkand chitin) it lacks the stretch and give of wool.  It is also thinner than most sock yarns.  Because of these 2 factors, and the fact that twisted rib draws in a lot I would recommend making this sock a bit bigger than you normally would.  I didn’t think about it and cast on the same number of stitches I would have used for a regular ribbed Joey sock.  I really should have added 5 more, and made them a wee bit longer.  Still, they (just) fit, and if he decides they are too tight they will fit someone else!  The fabric is nice and soft, but I don’t think I will be using TOFUtsies again - really to thin and non-sproingy for my taste.  Although they do have some lovely colours.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Mom’s Slip Stitch Socks

Yarn: Knit Picks’ Risata

Pattern:  Start whatever kind of plain stockinette sock you like to make, making sure you are using an even number of stitches.  When the colour starts to change to start the next stripe do a K1, Slip 1 sequence all the way around.  Pay attention here - the K1 Sl1 sequece starts whenever the colour change occurs - NOT at the beginning of the round.  When you get back to where you started the sequence just go back to stockinette stitch.  I did this just between the pink/purple stripes, but you could do it for as many colour changes as you like.

This yarn is lovely, soft, squishy - all the things I like in a sock yarn.  I hope mom likes them.

Happy Canaday Day? Weekend?

I know some people have today off, some have tomorrow, some - who are really lucky - have both.  Whatever you have I hope you enjoy it!

The Canada day weekend at Joey’s  House is usually also the first jam making weekend.  The strawberries are ready, and we need to put some of those little guys in jars!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Making jam has a lot in common with knitting.  When you tell people you do it, they look at you strangely, and often comment “Y’know, you can get that at the store.”

And a with many things we no longer do, it is not difficult to make, but it does take time.  It’s good family time together, as hulling all those berries leaves a lot of time to talk, have stem fights, and maybe eat a few berries too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Of course, the best part of the day is having a big ol’ slab of bread with fresh jam on it!

Yummy!

The smaller jar is the jam.  The bigger jar is a fresh strawberry sauce that is ridiculously good over ice cream or waffles.  It will be going to our Canada Day celebration and consumed with the vanilla ice cream I have waiting in the freezer. 

Want some?

Fresh Strawberry Sauce

Please note: this recipe will work for pretty much any soft fruit such as berries, plums, mango, peaches, cherrries.  Make whatever fruit - or combo - you like.

1/4 cup white sugar

1/4 cup water

Up to 2 3/4 cup fruit - it’s ok if you have less, it will still work.

2 tbsp cornstarch - less of you are using less fruit

1 tsp vanilla.

Toss everything into a saucepan over medium heat.  Use a potato masher to crush the fruit and release the juices.  How much you crush is up to you.  If you want recognizable fruit chunks just crush a little.  If you want more of a puree go to town and smash ‘em.

Cook the sauce until it thickens and turns clear.  You can use it warm, or pour it into a jar and take it wherever you’re off to.

Enjoy!

S.S.S. Squared

Well dear Readers, it seems I have a problem.

It is the kind of problem I would wish on all knitters, as it is a problem of excess.

For the past couple of weeks yarn has just been flowing into Joey’s House like water.  I have received yarn in a swap.  I dyed yarn.  I may have had a small falling down with the ol’ Pay Pal account and bought some yarn.  I traded work for yarn.  I even won yarn on WWKIP day.  I actually thought all of it had come in when this bit of deliciousness showed up today:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From The Unique Sheep’s new Gradiance Collection.  Seriously, who could resist that?

So what, you are wondering, is the problem?  Surely you are not complaining about yarn just magically appearing your house?  No indeed!  The problem is that there is already other knitting on the needles.  Knitting that cannot be ignored for the siren call of new skeins.  Knitting for other people that they know about and are expecting.  Knitting that seems to be taking a really long time.  Sock knitting to be exact.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joey’s Twisted Rib socks in Tofutsies.  Not much left on this one right?  Only up to the toe.  It is not happy knitting though.  I have been dawdling on these, and now I am tired of looking at them.  And I don’t really like the yarn.  It is too thin, and not squishy enough for me.  But I have promised them to my beloved, and for him I shall persevere.  Also, he hasn’t said word one about all the yarn, and has patiently looked at every skein as I waggled it at him, saying “Looky, looky!  Pretty!”  That alone deserves socks.

Sock the second:

Mom’s Slip Stitch socks in Felici.  Nice plain, easy knitting, with a slip stitch row thrown in every once in a while.  My mom picked out this yarn, and it does have the required squish factor, but I don’t love the colours.  Still, they’re for Mom.  Mom deserves socks.

I really think the biggest issue is that I usually have only one pair of socks going at any given time, and another project or two to occupy me in other ways.  The socks are usually the mindless knitting.  Now all I have is mindless knitting, but I don’t want to start another project until these are done.  Have I mentioned that they are BOTH second socks?  Of course, all the new yarn calling to me is not helping either.  A plan of attack is what is needed!  So - I am putting all the pretty new yarn in the tote, out of sight until the socks are complete and I can roll around in it and choose a new project.  Also, I am going to alternate days, knitting on first one sock and then the other until they are done.  I have done this before and found it to be quite effective - I take away my choice of what to knit on and what do you  know - the knitting at hand actually gets done.  Brilliant, I know. 

Ok, I am off to forge ahead and make some progress on the Mom sock before dinner.

Also, I have to check on the ayrn in the dye pot.  WHAT??? Ihad to take the edge off some how.

Wow. To which I would like to add: Yum.

My husband is a genius.

Have I told you this? 

He is big and goofy, and sometimes annoying, but he is also a genius.

For Mother’s Day this year he gave me the new Martha Stewart Cookie cookbook.  Now, don’t go getting all twisted up over this being some gesture of women being at home barefoot and baking all day.  I asked for the book because I love to bake, and my very favourite thing to bake is cookies.  And if I can do it barefoot all the better. 

Joey, knowing that if there was a new cookie book in the house, there would likely also be cookies jumped on the idea.  Genius as I say.  Any gift that will make the recipient happy and get the giver something yummy is brilliant in my books.

So after much perusal and drooling over pictures I decided I needed to try the Milk Chocolate cookie recipe.  Ok, who am I kidding, one look at the picture and I was turning the stove on.  But lacking a couple of ingredients that day, I have not made them until today.

By all that is chocolaty, these are good.  Soft, really chocolaty, with chocolate chunks.

Yum.

If you are one who has been heard to utter (and comprehend) the statement “It’s too chocolaty” I suggest you leave now.  There is nothing for you here.

On the other hand, if you should really be on some chocoholics 12 step program?  Step away from the cookies.  They are mine.

Lucky for you, you can find the recipe (for free) here.

And Joey?  Thanks, dude.  Next time I’ll make something you like

 

 

 

Flora

I had the camera out for some knitting pictures the other day, which led to  a couple of pictures of my flowers, which led to wandering around my neighbourhood taking pictures of other peoples flowers.

Lucky for me I am home during the day, so I don’t get too many odd looks for doing this.

Most of these were taken while I was not looking through the lens - just moving the camera around to different angles and snapping at will.  People get freaked out when I do this for some reason.  “You’re not even looking through it!”  they say.  “What if it’s a bad picture!!??”  Well, what if it is?  It’s just a picture.  And I know where the delete key is located.   And wandering around taking shots at random is really fun.  It sort of frees you up - no pressure to take a “perfect” picture if you’re just blasting away at anything.  I don’t even look at them until I get home and download everything.  Then it’s all a big surprise.  What did I get?  Maybe a shot of my shoe.

 

I know.  Spectacular, right?

Then again, maybe you’ll get something like this:

 

 Enjoy.

More Colour!

Last weekend Miss Punky was away at camp, so my friend S came over for a dyeing lesson.

She wanted really bright yarn for a hat for her daughter.

I think we may have succeeded.

Rainbow Bright.  (Seriously, what else would you call that?)

Also on the dye board - some self striping sock yarn:

Huron Sunset.

And some White Buffalo, picked up at the thrift store:

That was some big fluffy yarn!  It’s going to be fun to knit.

We ran out of time on Saturday, so one night this week I went back down to the dye room (a.k.a. the laundry room) to do some more.  As ususal I had an idea in my head (mostly purple), but by the time I was done it had morphed into this:

Before re-skeining.

And after.  Makes a difference eh?  It’s called Somedy We’ll Find It.

Bonus points if you know why!

A Different Kind of Stitching

I know most of the time it’s all about the knitting around here, but I do have other skills.  Whenever I need a break from knitting I have lots of other things to turn to, and there are always projects percolating away just waiting for their chance to come out.  Lately, it’s been embroidery.  Now I am only a beginner embroider-er (? is that a word?) but I really find it fun.  Like drawing with thread.  Nothing complicated, just colorful little outlines of fun stuff.  Like this little pillow case for Punky Pie.   It’s not quite done, I think it needs words.

The monkeys are from the Monkey Love pattern kit from Sublime Stitching.  I really like Jenny’s little kits.  The iron-on patterns are reuseable, and come with complete instructions, and there are lots of fun themes to choose from.  Where else can you get so much cuteness for only $3.50?  I use them when I am feeling really lazy and don’t want to come up with my own drawing.  Just iron on something cute, grab some floss and off you go!  No swatching, no gauge, no hassles.  Just the thing for a knitting break.

Of course, I do make my own designs too, which is a different kind of fun. These little bears were inspired from some Japanese product art  and are part of a knitting related sewing project I am working on.

It’s going to be a little knitting holder (I hope) but not one of the ubiquitous drawstring bags, because I am just not very fond of those, and besides they are everywhere.  Time for something new!  Just, not today, because it isn’t done.

I have been knitting too - the kind of kntting that NEEDS to get done - knitting for other people.  I have socks going for both my mom and Joey.  Nothing worth photographing though, beacause socks in progress pictures?  Pretty boring, right?   And I am working on the February Baby Sweater on Two Needles from Elizabeth Zimmerman’s Knitter’s Almanac.  It needs to get done because the baby will show up sooner or later and I’d really like to have the sweater done before his arrival.  Or, you know, at least near his arrival.  Are you really jonesing for a knitting picture?  Are you sure?  It’s pretty boring.  Go look at the monkeys they are more fun.  Really?  Ok, you asked for it:

Told ya.  Baby sweaters in progress = boring knitting picture!

After all the “have to” knitting is done I’m treating my self to some nice new sock yarn.  Something really yummy.  Any suggestions?

Hey all you Mamas

Have a wonderful Mother’s Day.  And don’t forget to call your mama!

Finished stuff

No, really, I did!  Finish stuff that is. 

Wanna see?

Mitered Mittens from Eizabeth Zimmerman’s Knitter’s Almanac.  A classic knitting book if ever there was one, full of fun patterns and good stories.  I had it at my knitting group a while back and someone commented that it looked rather dated.  True, the book itself does, but just look what you get when you use and older pattern with some funky new yarn!  Like say, Noro Kureyon, a fave of mine.  Bright colours, long, stripey repeats.  Yum.

 

This is the finished Starghan for my friend’s baby.  The shower is this weekend, so it is blocking as we speak.  Here’s the action shot”

And finally, something a bit more summery (Because it is warming up.  No really.  It will.  Sometime.).

A little halter top for Miss PUnky, of my own designing.  Sort of.  One of those things where you see a pattern in a book and think  “I don’t need a pattern to make that.”  It’s Katia Jamaica Yarn, colour 4009.  I ws being careful and bought 2 balls, but I only neede about 1/2 of one.

Next up?  and elephent to go with the Starghan (gotts use those scraps!) and a Stackable Cat.