Step 1: Obtain plain white yarn that is warm, sturdy and inexpensive. He’s going to wear this item while running – I am not looking for cashmere or the like. Good solid Canadian yarn available here if you like.
Step 2: Set up warping board and wrap yarn while trying to recover from horrible cold. Don’t bother to count wraps because I think that random stripes would look good on a hat. Feel better because I accomplished something that day other than huddling on couch while destroying another box of tissues.
Step 3: Dye yarn in an appropriately Joey colour way.
Step 4: Skein yarn while watching the Men’s Final Olympic hockey game.
Step 5: Happily show yarn to husband, who says he likes it and immediately asks for not a hat, but mittens. Hope that the stripes you made won’t be ridiculously wide for mittens.
Step 6: Make a little swatch to figure out gauge. Check copy of all-sizes/all- gauges mitten pattern to figure out number to cast on.
Step 7: Cast on required 40 stitches and start 2×2 ribbing.
Step 8: Knit along happily for a bit
Step 9: Look at cuff and think that it looks a bit big. Knit some more anyways, hoping that ribbing will start to pull in as it usually does.
Step 10: Realize that ribbing is not pulling in enough.
Step 11: Rip cuff back. Wonder if 1×1 ribbing pulls in more? Cast on 40 again and start new cuff with 1×1 rib.
Step 12: Realize 1×1 cuff doesn’t look much smaller than original cuff.
Step 13: Set mitten aside until hubby comes home. Maybe his wrists are bigger than I think? Knit on sock instead.
Step 14: Have hubby try on mitten, er, cuff. As suspected, it is too big. A lot too big.
Step 15: Rip cuff back again. Pack yarn and needles into knitting bag to bring out to tea with Sarah.
Step 16: Cast on 36 stitches. Knit a few rounds while chatting with Sarah. Look at emerging cuff. Notice that something looks “off.” Realize that, apparently, I can’t chat and follow the extremely tricky “knit one, purl one, repeat” pattern at the same time.
Step 17: Rip back cuff.
Step 18: Cast on again. Ribbing goes smoothly this time. Try cuff on Joey when I get home. It fits!
Step 19: Continue knitting thumb gusset and hand of mitten while watching TV with Joey. Pester him innumerable times to try on mitten. Discuss whether he wants regular mittens, flip mitts on half mitts. Grumble when he asks for flip mitts.
Step 20: Finish ribbing at top of mitt and happily cast off. Get Joey to try on mitt again. Try not to act to giddy when he says he has changed his mind, half mitts will be good.
Step 21: Pick up stitches for thumb. Think that I will be done very shortly when I get them all picked up correctly the first time. It’s just a thumb, what could go wrong?
Step 21: Knit a bunch of rounds on the thumb. Notice that it looks kind of big. Hand everything to Joey to try on again.
Step 22: Rip back thumb.
Step 23: Add a decrease row to my notes, and actually do the decreases on the thumb. Knit several more rows.
Step 24: Make Joey try it on again. Right, thumb is now the right diameter. Note that it looks just about long enough too.
Step 25: Knit thumb top. Decide that it came out looking just fine – not too pointy. Have the smarts to give it to Joey for one last try on.
Step 26: Joey complains that thumb is too short. Grumble about having to rip it back again.
Step 27: Look at mitten. Notice that thumb is not at all proportionate to rest of mitten. Wonder WTF I was thinking.
Step 28: Rip back thumb.
Step 29: Knit a few more rounds and new thumb top. Look at mitten. It looks ok this time. Get Joey to try it on. Just in case.
Step 30: Mitten fits! Quickly weave in all ends in fit of finished item energy.
Step 31: Smile happily to self as Joey wears the single mitten around the house for the rest of the evening.
Step 32: Knit second mitten. Since notes were kept accurately, if messily, there is no real story to this one.
Step 33: Look outside and happily take in warm sun, melting snow, and greenish looking grass. Decide I don’t need to knit any more hats or mittens right now. Now where is that yarn I ordered for Punky’s tank top?